This was confirmed for me by my dermatologist at my first appointment with him on Friday.
I've had pimples for the last 20 years. As a kid, they weren't too bad...just the odd spot here and there. As a teenager, they were terrible. However since so many other teens at my school were going through the same thing, I had the reassurance of not feeling like an outcast and the reassurance of my parents and older teens telling me that I'd simply grow out of it.
As a young adult I'd often get pimples and small bumps on my chin and lower cheeks, however they weren't ever inflamed and were easily covered up with make up. This continued until my mid 20s when I started getting more inflamed pimples. I'd tried everything topical and herbal so in early 2008 I bit the bullet and ordered Proactiv. As expected, Proactiv didn't start working it's magic until mid 2008 and worked quite well until I stopped using it when I fell pregnant in June 2009.
Those blissful 9 months of pregnancy resulted in the clearest, most beautiful skin I would ever have. I'd get the occasional small pimple every now and then but apart from that, my face was well and truly glowing. My pores weren't visible, my skin tone was even and everyone who knew me well would often comment on how PERFECT my complexion really was. I knew it was temporary so I milked it lol, I enjoyed every minute of it.
The first few weeks after my son's birth in March 2010 were great skin wise. Not a spot in sight for basically the first month of his life. By my birthday though, the pimples were back. They weren't as bad as I'd previously experienced but my skin was no longer what anyone would consider clear. It wasn't too bad...I was a new mum, the spots weren't inflamed so were coverable with the right make up, plus I was more focussed on the weight I'd put on during my pregnancy rather than how my skin was looking.
Fast forward to October last year. My son was now 18 months old, I'd lost around 10kg - but my skin was at it's absolute worst, or so I thought. Pimples EVERYWHERE. They covered my upper back, I was now getting them on my chest and shoulders and my worst nightmare of inflamed, cystic nodular pimples were now covering my chin. I'd gone from saying "well at least my pimples aren't that bad" to having severe, painful cystic acne in the worst place of all - the place that everyone sees - my face. I was told this was due to a cyst on my left ovary and not to worry because the pimples would go away soon after the cyst did. Wrong.
In December, a couple of months after the ovarian cyst was discovered, the gynecologist at the hospital told me the cyst had resolved (thank God, see prior posts about that dramatic time of my life) and assured me my pimples would fully resolve during my next 1-2 cycles. Wrong.
I had more cysts in December and January and as my GP suspected all along - I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome - you know, that disorder that makes women like me roll my eyes at women who have the odd painful period and complain about it hahaha. The diagnosis made a lot of sense considering I've had all the symptoms for over a decade now. The pimples, the spotting, the insane, excruciating pelvic pain that comes and goes no matter where you are in your cycle, the irregular periods, the hair loss. Luckily I don't exhibit the facial hair growth that some women experience and never have...and hopefully never will.
Over the last few months my terrible pimples have become severe acne, well, what I consider severe acne anyway. Inflamed, nodular LARGE bumps that often cover my entire jaw line as well as my chin. White heads that cover my chin and lower cheeks. If I'm especially lucky, I'll also have breakouts on my upper cheeks and forehead.
Nothing topical or over the counter will correct this - that's not how hormonal acne of this nature is sorted out. They're not just my words but my dermatologists too. I do not exaggerate when I say I've tried *everything* and spent thousands and thousands of dollars over the years to try and rid myself of this fucking curse. From all sorts of vitamins, to home remedies, to insanely painful treatments, to Proactiv, to Dermalogica, to Clinique, to African soaps - to oils - to lemons - to egg yolks, to vinegar, to aromatherapy, to drastic changes in diet, to doing nothing and leaving it alone, to changing pillow cases and towels daily, to Phisohex undiluted, to seeking advice from beauty therapists. You name it, I've done it. And Lord knows I've paid for it. So the next person to suggest that I should try whatever the miracle cure on the internet is this week - just don't. Please.
It's time for risks, change and action. It's time, after 20 years to go down 'that' road - anyone who's had acne as an adult will know exactly what I'm talking about. Thank your lucky stars if you don't. Seriously :) Medication isn't a choice, it's a must. If I don't do something about this now, I am going to end up scarred and as someone with an obvious scar on their throat already (which I'm conscious of)...facial scars as well just aren't an option for me.
I will try Bactrim as of tonight. Hopefully I won't develop the common allergy to Sulfa that many do - if I do I hope it's just a common rash. I'd like to be someone who doesn't end up in the burns unit or ER due to the possible side effects of this very powerful anti-biotic.
If Bactrim doesn't work, I will then be put on Spironolactone. A diuretic which also comes with it's dangers. It increases Potassium. Too much Potassium in your blood means...well...death. This medication also comes with the patient having mandatory blood tests every few weeks/per month. On the upside it has a pleasant peppermint flavour LOL!
If Spironlactone doesn't work...I have 2 more choices. Live with it or Ro-Accutane. Which I don't think I need to explain - keep in mind my 11 year history of Depression and suicide attempts. Most people would say (ignorantly, especially those who do not suffer acne) "isn't living with acne better than possibly ending up mentally unwell again?!". To those people I'd simply say "If the first thing you think every morning is "I wonder how bad I look today", how long do you think it'd be before I end up mentally unwell again anyway". OK? touche.
I put on a brave face, and by no means am I the vainest person I know. However I know how damn gorgeous I can look without these 'things' on my face. I know how confident, sexy and beautiful I can feel without these 'things' on my face. I'd like my son or my husband to be able to touch my face. I'd like to look in the mirror and see my skin improving for once instead of getting worse. I'd like to leave the house without make-up on. I'd like to upload photos of myself without having to photo shop the acne out. I've lost a lot of weight with about 10kg to go and I'd like to feel the way every other woman who's lost a lot of weight feels when she looks in the mirror.
To anyone reading this going through the same thing - don't give up. Don't listen to the advice of anyone except your dermatologist and other women with the same curse, or problem. WE have the right to feel beautiful no matter what it takes. I will update again, hopefully with positive news. I have taken a 'before' shot but by no means will anybody be seeing it unless I can upload an 'after' shot that I'm proud of next to it. Wish me luck.
Until next time,
Em
xoxo.
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